A Two and a Half Women moment
by Alavon
Summary: Shorts I posted on Animesuki forum. Two and a Half Men...Nanoha-style! Mother's day arrives and in the household of Fate Testarossa, it may as well be renamed, "Day in Hell". Also, Vivio teaches her mother a new word and Fate shows her mother 'love'...
1. Chapter 1

A _**Two and a Half Women**_ moment

Happy Mother's Day...dumb ass

By: Alavon

"Morning, Fate," sang a very happy Nanoha Takamachi upon entering the kitchen.

Fate looked up from her Sunday newspaper, an annoyed look plastered on her pale face.

She snorted and said, "What's so damn good about it?"

Nanoha blinked. She took her share of eggs and bacons before answering.

"Don't you know what day it is?"

"Hey, if it's not Coyote Tuesdays and Drink-Until-You-Puke Thursday-"

"Which is everyday," interrupted Nanoha, rolling her eyes.

"-then I don't _care_." Fate said the last part with emphasis.

Nanoha shook her head in disbelief.

"I can't believe this...today is Mother's Day!"

"So?"

"S-so?" Nanoha stood up from the table to get a cup of coffee. She definitely needed it.

"It's one of the most important day's in the year where you show your mother that you love her!"

At that moment, Vivio Takamachi, Nanoha's 11 year-old daughter, entered the kitchen carrying a medium sized box wrapped in pink paper.

"Morning, mom!"

Nanoha couldn't help but smile. Fate smirked...

"Morning, Sweetie. Did you sleep well?"

Vivio stretched, yawing.

"I did. I also had a very good dream. It had male strippers..."

Nanoha slowly looked at Fate who seemed very interested to the floor.

"You didn't put the parental lock on that channel like I told you!?"

"Hey! In my defense, it said 'parental control'! The parent should do it, not the parent's friend!"

Nanoha rubbed her eyes. She needed more than one cup of coffee...

"Anyway," resumed Vivio. "Happy Mother's Day, mom!" She held up the box to her mother who took it gratefully.

"Ah, thank you, sweetie!" Nanoha began to rip apart the gift wrap but stopped short after seeing what it was.

"Well...do you like it?"

"Um, sweetie? This is a Gamecube..."

Fate had to contain her laughter because Nanoha's expression was priceless.

"Yeah, it was on sale..."

"I, ah...hmm...I don't know what to say..."

"Well! If you don't want it, I'll take it instead!" With that being said, she grabbed the Gamecube and left the kitchen but not before saying, "But don't say I didn't give you a Mother's Day present!"

Fate couldn't take it anymore.

"Mou, stop laughing, Fate! It's not funny!"

Fate took a deep breath and said, "So, where's the love?"

"At least she thought about me!"

"Uh-huh! Happy Mother's Day, you dumb ass!"

Nanoha scowled. "Putting that event aside...what are you going to give to Precia, your mother?"

Fate stopped laughing at once.

"Ah, Satan," she hissed, narrowing her eyes. "I have the perfect Mother's Day present for her."

Nanoha blinked.

"Oh? And what's that?"

"I'm going to call her to tell her that I can't make it to dinner like I promised."

"And how's that a 'perfect Mother's Day present'?"

Fate smiled triumphantly. "Simple. She gets to bitch and whine to all her friends about how ungrateful I am. It's the perfect present."

"I see your logic there, but one question."

"What?"

Nanoha crossed her arms across her chest. "Do you even _know_ your mother's phone number?"

Fate looked offended. "Of course! I have her on speed dial!"

"Speed dial?"

"Yup! 666..."

"How smart of you," said Nanoha, sarcastically.

"Thanks. I try."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: **_ _Since someone asked me to do another one, here it is..._

_**Disclaimer:**_ _Don't own anything..._

A _**Two and a Half Women **_moment..._**2**_

Masti...WHAT!

By: Alavon

"Vivio, what are you doing?" asked Nanoha Takamachi after watching Vivio, her daughter, chew the same piece of pancake for the past three minutes.

Vivio raised her hand to silence her mother and did not answer. Nanoha sighed. She should be used to Vivio's strange habits by now...

"Morning, everyone!" came a cheery voice from behind Nanoha. Without even bothering to turn around, Nanoha said, "Morning, Fate..."

"Right back, atcha'!" answered Fate, pouring herself a cup of coffee. She grabbed her newspaper and, after seeing Nanoha giving her the 'look', she asked, "What?"

"Oh, nothing. Scored another idiot?"

"Yup and that stupid psychiatrist was out of town so it was fierce!"

Nanoha shook her head. "I bet..."

Fate was about to open the newspaper but stopped when she noticed what Vivio was doing. Fate looked at Nanoha who shrugged.

"Vivio, why are you chewing that sausage lik-"

Vivio suddenly stood up and slammed her hands on the table, glaring at Fate who, after enduring Satan's stare (AKA. Mom) all throughout her life, was not easily intimidated.

"Look what you made me do!" She yelled.

Fate blinked. "What _did_ I do?"

"Fate, just ignore her..."

Vivio crossed her arms across her chest and sat back down.

"Mou, you made me forget my number..."

Nanoha and Fate both stared at her, not knowing what to say. After a moment of silence, Nanoha spoke.

"Um, why were you counting?"

"I read in a magazine that you must masticate 67 times before swallowing."

Fate burst into laughter while Nanoha raised an eyebrow.

"Mas...ti...cate?"

Vivio looked at her mother, smiling broadly.

"Don't worry. It's not what you think."

"What I think?"

Vivio gave a sly smile and said slowly, "_You know_..."

Ignoring Fate, who was now on the floor laughing even louder after that response from Vivio, Nanoha said, "Well, I know what I know but..." She stopped to look at Vivio who seemed to be enjoying herself. "But...what do _you_ know?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Fine, what do _I_ know?"

Vivio gave her mother a confuse look. "How should I know? I can't read minds."

Nanoha sighed and took Fate's cup of coffee who now regained her composure. Fate wiped the tears of laughter from the corner of her eyes and said hoarsly, "That was priceless. Anyway, before I forget. Guess what, Vivio? You get to bunk with your mom tonight."

"Wanna' bet?"

"It's only for one day. A friend of mine is coming over to stay and you have the only spare bedroom," said Nanoha, returning Fate's cup of coffee to her after finding out it was cold.

"But I need my privacy!"

Once again, both Nanoha and Fate stared at the 11 year-old girl who made rocks seem smart.

"Why do you need your privacy?"

"_You know_..."

_**A/N: **__Depending on how much reviews I get, I might launch these shorts into a series but reviews must pass 7...(-_-;)...so...REVIEW PLEASE! ;D_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: **_ _The last part in the '__**A Two and a Half Women moment' **__shorts...enjoy._

_**Disclaimer:**_ _Don't own anything...damn..._

A _**Two and a Half Women **_moment..._**3**_

I love you, mom....not!

By: Alavon

After going over Fate's bills for the twentieth time that morning to make sure what she saw was right and paying them accordingly (_how can she spend $8,000 in one week on sex and booze_!?), Nanoha Takamachi yawned and stretched, happy to escape Fate's bondage of irresponsibility.

"Oh, this feels GOOD!" she said and at that moment, the doorbell rang.

She spoke too soon...

"Who could that be?" wondered Nanoha, standing up from the chair. After almost tripping over Vivio's skateboard (Fate bought it for her much to Nanoha's dismay), she arrived at the door. She said a silent prayer (She never knew what kind of piss off husband or wife would do to her if she opened the door...) and very,_ very_ slowly opened the door.

God did not answer her prayer.

"Fate! Death is here to collect our souls!"

"Hi, mom!" came Fate's voice from upstairs.

"Love you, too," muttered Precia, rolling her eyes.

_**A/N: **_Again, d_epending on how much reviews I get, I might launch these shorts into a series but reviews must pass 7...(-_-;)...so...once again...REVIEW PLEASE! ;D _

_If reviews do succeed in passing 7, then _**Two and a Half Women **_will be launch into a full series, starting from how Nanoha ended up living with Fate! XD_


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